It was just a passing comment, 25 years ago.  I was driving back from Florida where my mom and sister lived on my way home to Atlanta.  It had been years since my sister and I had been on a road trip together.  We were in my car, so I was playing “my music” and had been in the car several hours already when my sister asked an innocent question, “Why do you listen to such sad music?”.  I remember thinking, “Do I?”.  It had honestly never occurred to me.  I had never thought about it but she picked up on it right away.

Her Music Was Never Sad

I was separated from my husband at the time and at a place in my life that I had never been.  I felt defeated.  I had two small children and no idea how I was going to survive going forward.  Because of my crazy childhood, I had been stressed, scared, lost and felt completely alone before, but never had I felt defeated.

My sister on the road trip with me was only eleven and a half months older than me; growing up we were very close. We were complete opposites though. I was the serious one, supposed to make the right choices, always do the right thing and take care of everyone else.  My sister, on the other hand, was a free spirit.  We all had a challenging life growing up but her life remained challenging throughout adulthood.  She struggled for almost all of it, but through it all, she always had this “spark”.  Everything was an adventure for her; she lived her life just going for it (whatever “it” happened to be at the time). The biggest difference between us is that she didn’t carry around the past, dwell on it and let it define her.  Her music was never sad.

The Soundtrack of Our Lives

This simple memory popped into my head this morning and this time, it had a profound impact on me.  I realized that most of us play sad music as the soundtrack of our lives.  If it’s not the music in our lives that reflects this, it’s the news stories we focus on and discuss.  It’s the day-to-day experiences we prioritize; the things that didn’t go the way we planned.  Traffic was heavy this morning, there was a tragic death somewhere, the economy is bad, the current political environment and other negative and stressful noise.

The Power of Choice

My sister knew years ago what mattered; I just wasn’t listening. You are what you surround yourself with.  The best kept secret though, is that you get to choose.  You make decisions every day about what you will focus on. What will play on a loop in your head, over and over again?  Will you wonder what will go wrong today instead of what will go right?  You actually set the tone for your life every day.

We lost my beautiful, free-spirited sister several years ago and I have always focused on how difficult her life was and how much she must have suffered throughout.  This morning I realized that through it all, her music was always happy.

We really do get to create the soundtrack of our lives.  Make sure yours isn’t a sad one.